A funny turn.

It has been awhile. Though I’m always writing in my head, not much has gotten out of my head over the last few overwhelming years. I drafted a post on August 4, 2019 and just published it today. It turns out my life has taken a funny turn, and that post is perhaps foreshadowing the funny turn, so it seemed right to post it now, just as it was written then.

For some context, the world turned upside down between then and now. For me, it started when my sweet Daddy had a stroke in the fall of 2019. I was in Tennessee at the time, and rushed home. Thankfully, he recovered well after some rehab, and most folks would never know he had a stroke. In early January of 2020, I had a series of about four days during which I could not shake an overwhelming feeling of darkness. At the time, I thought it might be the imminent threat of war. I also wondered if it was my normal “winter blues” turning into paranoia. Unable to shake it, I went to my mother and sister and told them about how I felt, and that I thought we should get ready for something big. Orders were placed and Costco runs were made. What proceeded from there was, as you all know, a worldwide tragedy. The first diagnosed Covid-19 case in the US was in a hospital 15 miles from our home. Our privilege and our extreme caution kept us alive and healthy. The pandemic was, in the US, punctuated by political horrors, violent horrors (so many of them utterly shameful racial violence), and systemic horrors. Someday I may write more about that time, but not today. What I will say, is that it solidified for me, that there are only two kinds of people in this world. There are those who believe it is part of their job, as a human being, to look out for all other humans. Then there are those who believe it is their job only to look out for themselves and their immediate circle.

In the spring of 2021, things got very interesting in our household. We had seven surgeries in our home that year, and five of them were major surgeries. It is an honor and a privilege to be able to be a caregiver to one’s family. It did, however, make me realize that it was time to buckle down and decide what I really wanted to do with my life. I let my brain get to a quiet space so some fundementals could float to the top. What do I really want? To help make the world a better place. What has to happen for the world to be a better place? People have to change their behaviors. What makes people change their behaviors? People change their behaviors when they gain a new or deeper understanding so impactful that they cannot stay the same. What has given me such impactful, deeper understandings? Most of my impactful understanding has come from television or film.

On July 29, 2021, I reached out to a friend from high school who is a filmmaker and asked him if there was a place for me in the filmmaking world.

The answer is yes, there is a place for me in the world of filmmaking and story telling. I am currently supporting two films, one of which just premiered at Sundance. The introductions and encouragement my high school friend gave me, have changed my whole world. It has been life-giving to get to work with such talented storytellers, especially when the story feels so personal to me. My mind is alight with more stories I want to help tell. Hopefully, the budget will catch up to the desire, and it will all happen. Don’t be surprised if you see Chinchin and I at your local film festival sometime in the future.

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